A friend recently told me that his sole rule to blogging was to be brutally honest. I realized that most of my blogs thus far have been the happy-go-lucky days of my trip. So I made a vow to report the good, the cringe worthy (those who know me well know that these happen too often for me to recall) and the moments that are defining this trip for me (amazing or horrid).
Lucky for you – today seems to be one for the cringe worthy column. My Pancha Karma detox seems to be doing more than just loosening my muscles. Who knew that with a little bit of body work – a whole range of emotions can be felt shortly after the treatments. On the evening after my first oil massage I cried during a ‘feel good’ DVD we were shown about Swami Vishnudivananda (the ashrams founder and guru). The DVD was simply about his life and his devotion to gaining world peace. I’m generally not a very emotional person and this took me by surprise.
The next day while pulling my body into a shoulder stand during my asana yoga practice, a memory took over me. It took over in a manner I would expect an ex acid/ LSD addict to re-trip years after their last hit, when an acid crystal along their spin snaps causing the drug to rush through their blood stream and hallucinations as vivid as the day they first took the drug. The memory was of a very drunken night in my late teens after a VERY bad breakup with the first love of my life. On the night in question I walked around his parents garden, hawking like a wounded wolf at 2 AM in the morning. This stalker memory left me cringing while trying to hold my yoga pose AND then from deep within me came this insatiable laughter. Laughter so strong that I had to leave class.
I had been holding onto this shame about my reaction towards having my heart ripped out of my chest at the tender ages of 16 and at that point I realized that I had been holding onto such useless emotional baggage. I do just thank God that his parents weren’t home that weekend, but I can imagine the emotional trauma his sisters must have experienced listening to the psychotic girl in their garden who couldn’t handle rejection quite yet.
The point I’m trying to make is that life does not need to be taken so seriously and I’m actually looking forward to more whole hearted, sore tummy, crazy demented laughter which I know I have in store for me. There are a few more of those memories about to be unleashed (I have been known for some pretty bazar and stupid behavior) and I’m so ready for them. Just for the record I do handle breakups much more gracefully nowadays;)